she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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