I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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