$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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