I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
