I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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