I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
