guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
