I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
