I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
