you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize