We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
