Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
