woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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