I'm so fucking centered right now
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
