i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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