I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
