my vag is so smooth its legendary
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
