no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
