Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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