if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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