You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Shitshow foam night was such a success
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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