i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my shit smells like andre
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
