Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
