fuck your aforementioned shoe
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
