Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
