Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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