You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
