now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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