I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
