Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
