She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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