Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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