It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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