And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
