I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
