You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
