The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
