So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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