Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
