so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
