Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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