My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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