is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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