I'm going to jail i love you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
