I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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