It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize