Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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