i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
