Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
this hospital has no fireball
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize