Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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