I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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