Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
