I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
