I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
