She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
