Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
