new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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