the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
