All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Congratulations! We have a period
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
