i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
