My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
