He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
