the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
