the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
